Divorced for 2 months

 Yesterday I went out with two of my friends to dinner and as we were sitting and chatting, one of them asked me how long I have been "officially" divorced, and I had to think about it for a split second, and then I said "two months". And as those words rolled off my tongue and out of my mouth, it felt like I was being simultaneously punched in the gut. The reality of my situation sunk in to my brain a few more inches, which felt painful and sad. I'm not sad about no longer being married to my ex-husband at all - AT ALL. I don't miss HIM. I don't miss anything about HIM. What I miss, is seeing my babies everyday. I miss feeling financially secure (although, that wasn't always consistent). I miss my routine. I miss the expected stuff - the familiarity of everything. I do not like change - in fact, I loathe it. Sounds dramatic, but I'm serious. I do not do well with change - never have, never will. However, I try and put myself in to the throws of change often because I know it is good for me and helps me to be a better, more flexible person. But I still don't like it. 

I know it will all get easier with time. Time is the one constant. I just need to wait it out and sit with all of the feelings, emotions, pain, anxiety, and unknown.

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