Divorce on the Other Side

In the early parts of my divorce, I made plans to go to Chicago with a man I had met in an online singles group, we'll call him J. He seemed like a great guy and I was drawn to his persistence - he pursued me in a way I had never been pursued before. I wasn't looking for anything, and he just showed up all of a sudden one day out of nowhere. He messaged me through FB messenger and our relationship took off. We had so many similarities in our lives - besides divorce, we both struggled with anxiety and depression, we both enjoyed music (mostly the same kinds), we both "got" each other's joking and sarcasm, we both loved to travel, and we just really got along. Not to mention he was handsome too.  Early on, we decided we would go to Chicago to see a band, American Aquarium. This was probably my first mistake, but I was trying to live a "YOLO" life and not think too much about things. So I said "yes" to going. We both booked our own flights to meet

 Yesterday I went out with two of my friends to dinner and as we were sitting and chatting, one of them asked me how long I have been "officially" divorced, and I had to think about it for a split second, and then I said "two months". And as those words rolled off my tongue and out of my mouth, it felt like I was being simultaneously punched in the gut. The reality of my situation sunk in to my brain a few more inches, which felt painful and sad. I'm not sad about no longer being married to my ex-husband at all - AT ALL. I don't miss HIM. I don't miss anything about HIM. What I miss, is seeing my babies everyday. I miss feeling financially secure (although, that wasn't always consistent). I miss my routine. I miss the expected stuff - the familiarity of everything. I do not like change - in fact, I loathe it. Sounds dramatic, but I'm serious. I do not do well with change - never have, never will. However, I try and put myself in to the throws of