Divorce on the Other Side

 I've realized that the fact that my current boyfriend would rather hang out with his alcoholic friend and get drunk rather than hang out with me is really bothering me. We do not see each other very often, mainly because he is in school full-time right now, and I'm taking classes too. We both have our kids on the same weekends, and he lives with his parents as their full-time care-taker. I don't think I want to be with him anymore. Partly because I do not feel like I'm a priority in his life.  So, I think I want to break things off with him before everything gets too complicated and involved. I don't think he is the right fit for me, we seem to have such different goals. He is ok with things being 'good enough' and I want to do things well and at the best of my ability. He says I'm 'intense' - which makes me laugh. I'm not intense, I'm just wanting to do a good job at everything.  He can't manage his money to save his life. If he has

 Hi God, are you there? It's me, Jen. Still here. Still struggling. Please help me. Please help me believe with 100% unwavering doubt that things will get better. That I will find my dream job that is everything I ever wanted and then some. That I'll be able to provide for my kids without fear that eventually I won't be able to provide for them because of another job loss. That I can do things on my own and not have the daily overhang of self-doubt and worry. I still haven't been able to find a job. It's going on 3 months now. Luckily, I had savings that I can pull from, but that will not last forever. I only have, at the most, a few more months of that left. I'm scared. I need help. I need all the miracles that you can spare me. I need to get on my own two feet. Help me, please. I'm begging. 

 Tonight I had my first therapy session with my new therapist. She is a local MFT that I found through my health insurance. I think she will be a good fit for me, as she is a good listener and seems to be invested in helping me unwind the web of things I want to work on. Our session tonight was really about discussing what it is that I want to focus on in therapy. I told her since my divorce a year ago, I've really started uncovering a lot of issues in my life and tracing them back to childhood. There is SO. MUCH. TO. DIG. THROUGH. I realized I can't move forward or move on in my life until I figure out the deep-seated issues. So I'm digging in and ready to do the work. I know it is going to be a long road, but I'm ready.  The goal for this week is to figure out who I am and what I like. I'm basically going to date myself for awhile because I don't know who I am or what I even like. So my first therapy 'assignment' is to find a list of 50 questions to as

 Today feels like the straw that broke the camel's back. I received a phone call today that my cell phone number would be released within the next few hours if I didn't switch the account to my plan. 'Released' meaning I would lose the phone number that I've had for the past 20+ years. Not okay. And only a few hours to figure it out? Who does that? So I looked to see what it would cost to transfer my number to my own personal account. $120/month. I know it might not seem like a lot to others, but to a single mom of two kids who just recently was laid off from her job, it's a huge mountain. I've tried so hard to remain positive during these daunting days, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I feel like I'm being punished and I have no idea why. It feels like hit after hit keep coming, and while I fall down and get back up, it's only a matter of time before all of the punches keep you down. Even the greatest fighters of the world can on